FullaDoll

A lot things have happened this last 2 months, I fell off the wagon… again emotional eating.  A bit more than 1 month ago my relationship with my fiancee ended. 

He got his rejection letter, he can no longer stay in that racist european country.  After 11 years living there, being an active member of society, never committed a crime, worked 9 years for a governmental institution, all these years he lived there he was working…  only to get a rejection letter saying if he doesn’t leave within a month he’ll be forcibly deported to northern iraq… 

It was a sad day… a day when one of the most ”civilized” country in europe showed how closed minded some people there are… they showed the goverment’s real face.   This goes to show that even in the most developed and ”civilized” countries nowdays there still is RACISM & DISCRIMINATION.

They’re nothing but a bunch of HYPOCRITE good for nothing jerks. The system failed us, not only him but other 800+ iraqi/kurdish refugees.  Democracy??  where?? law??  humanity???  how about human rights??  No where to be seen…  

Sadly same story is repeating itself everyday in all european countries…  They gave that people hope… they made them believe they be able to stay in the country and just kept telling them to ”wait”.  The have been mentally torturing this people last 2 years by not telling them if they would get their residence permit or not… whole families with small children worried about future… the possibility to going back to a impoverished, insecure and violent iraq. Where they hardly have 1 hour electricity a day and 5 hours running water a week! 

The mental torture by this country was so much that several kurdish men couldn’t stand it anymore and killed themselves, while others lost their mind and now are living in a mental asylum.

This european country in specific destroyed this people lives, dreams and future.  People I knew and I loved… people I really cared about… my fiancee and so many amazing friends. This country might as well have killed that people by sending them back to iraq, some of them were running away from persecution some were genuine refugees and asylum seekers, VICTIMS OF  SADDAM HUSSEIN’S WAR ON KURDS. 

 Some of them might make it to the airport to the plane… but after that plane arrives home… only God knows what’s expecting them. Some of them will get kidnapped and killed before they can make it to their houses on the way from airport to their houses, like many have already, still the european country who deported them claims iraq is 100% now! This country I’m talking about is NORWAY

This country in specific claimed so many times they’re willing to help the asylum seekers and refugees victims of war, but that’s all hypocresy. Once they make this people waste their best years living there (waste because all that years lived there go to trash once they’re sent back) then when they decide it’s been long enough they just go to that people houses at night and put them in a plane to their respective countries… most time (if not all) escorted by guards and handcuffed during all the flight, like criminals!

If they make it home… they’ll arrive to a country they have to re-adapt again… a country that is almost unknown, a country they hadn’t seen in a long time, they’ll be forced to start a life again wich will never be even a bit close to the previous one they had in europe. They’ll all have to start from zero.  It’ll be very hard for this people to re-adapt, specially for the children.

Many european countries are doing this, still hypocresy is so much the UN knows and doesn’t say a word. I could mention many european countries known for this kind of ”humanitarian” measures… but I won’t do it, for now.

Needless to say the first 2 weeks were awful, I was extremely depressed and I started over eating again…  now am much better, I don’t feel as bad as I tought, after all I can’t be mourning this relationship for the rest of my life.  Is now I realize life is TOO short and beautiful to live it that way.   I cried so much first weeks… I tought I’d not make it, but here I am…!  I’m ready to lose weight and be healthy! 

I’ll never forget him… that was the last thing I told him, I loved him so much… so much, but I can’t live in memories of the past forever, I must live life itself, memories should never replace one’s actual life.  He was my first love and he’ll always be… nothing can change that. We had to say farewell, those 5 years I spent with him were the happiest in my life and for that I’ve to thank him.

I’m feeling much better now, I’m not depressed anymore so I should start losing weight soon, start working out again & eating right.  

In other news… last saturday we welcomed a new member to our family: a lovely pit bull puppy (female) her name is ”lola” and today I also I welcomed a brand new 42 inches plasma TV!   That was a gift of my mother, I guess that’s her way to say ”don’t be sad anymore”  I don’t have that much time to watch it tho… also has a lot options and is kinda confussing! xD

 Where I’m now  (202 lbs)               Where I want to be (120 lbs)            

Hehe, much difference?   This is how I look now and this second one is how I’m supposed to look when I reach my goal of 120 lbs!  My height, weight and body shape were taken into consideration for making this graphics!  Cool, huh!

:::UPDATE::: I’ve some reasons to be very happy, I’ve made some changes that really make me feel proud.  I have stopped eating candy and bread on saturdays (my so called ”day-off” diet).   I broke this vicious circle 2 saturdays ago (and counting!)  I built this bad habit since… I’ve memory!  This is the very first time I ever try stop it! 

I discovered I really didn’t want to eat those things, it was more like… automatic,  there were times I really didn’t feel like eating candy, but I did it anyway! like a machine!  because I felt I had to, it was my day off after all.  When I ate those things that day… I got a false feeling of relief and happiness (weird, I know)  even some days before saturday I was so thrilled by the idea I’d get some candy soon! By the way, am not talking about a few candies… I’m talking about quite a lot sugar!!    

  This is part of being an emotional eater,  I thought this habit would stay with me for the rest of my life. If you had asked me 1 year ago If I’d be willing to stop eating that big amounts of junk food on saturdays…. I’d have said… NO WAY!   This is indeed one of the habits I thought I’d never be able to get rid of!  I made it so easily!

I had a mix of love-hate, I mean… I used to think ”well, it’s my day off, it’s ok I eat some candy, I deserve it after that harsh week” but very inside of me I knew it wasn’t good for my health. I knew I was doing wrong, altho the rest of the week I was following a very healthy dietary plan, still it felt so wrong.  It was only 1 day in a week, suprisingly it never affected my weight loss, I mean… it was a looot calories, maybe 2500 or more during that day.

I started 2 saturdays ago, to be honest I didn’t miss that huge amounts of sugar and calories, not even a little!   I still eat a bit more than usual on saturdays, but not like before, it’s MUCH less.  During the week I rarely eat candy, too. 

I’m buying myself a brand new digital camera, so soon I hope to be posting some actual photos of myself rather than just graphics, and I mean the before/after photos section

Long time no see!  It has been what???  4 months since last time i logged in?  that’s a long time, I know.  

 A lot changes in my life have occured… my 2 months long holidays from school weren’t so good, during the first month I got sick twice, first I got a really nasty stomach infection… (it was more like food poisoning actually) 

I almost ended up in the ER , I felt like dying!  I even had hallucinations due the high fever (needless to say my cousins got really scared!)  This isn’t the first time something like this happens (I’ve a extremely sensitive stomach) then right after that I caught the flu!  so, no… I didn’t enjoy my holidays much. 

When I was finally feeling better I got a call from my mother, she had an accident; she had a small fracture in her ankle.

Long story short;  So… I did what any other daughter would do…  I went back home leaving my ”dream holidays” behind and help my mother with everything I could.  Doctor told us she’d need at least 6 weeks in bed, nothing of… stading up… try to walk, etc.  So I took 1 month more away from school (yes, I told my teacher about it!)  

I was doing great with the weight loss, I mean… I had stopped excercising for a while (Yeah, not good, I know!) I was erm… well not really watching what I ate but still I managed to not gain more kilos… actually lost 500 grams! hehe! 

Ramadan month came!  This is so far the worst season for me when it comes to weight loss.  As you might know, Ramadan is the holiest month for the muslims.  It’s a month of reflection, giving, praying more than never (hehe), reading whole quran, fasting and much mooore…

Fasting it’s a very important part of the Ramadan, during this month all muslims must fast incluiding the people of 13 and up.  Pregnant women, children  and ill/very old people can eat normally. 

The fasting starts very early (I usually start it before the sun rises and finish it when it gets dark)  Practically, we don’t eat or drink anything during that period of time.  That timing isn’t really strict as you might be thinking :)  that’s the way I do it, others preffer finishing it sooner than me.

Well… after the fasting is done, people are ready for the ”iftar”, that’s the meal to break our fasting.  It’s a great time to spend with family and friends, because special dishes are made and it’s a great excuse to invite friends, neighbors and  family.  It’s a time of excess, too… because fasting is very hard so at the end of the day… YOU’RE STARVING!!!!  we ALL  tend to eat more than usual.

Anyays… I gained all the weight back I had lost the previous months, during the Ramadan and yeah a bit more, lol.  Sadly this happens every year,  I try to have self-control during the rest of the year,  but during Ramadan is very difficult to focus on weight loss for me.   I know the damage of skipping meals and eating after 8:00 pm!   

 I know the description above of Ramadan is extremely vague, I just don’t want this blog to look like a religious one.  I’m very relaxed about religion, I don’t think of it  the whole  24/7  and the 365 days of the year, but it really is  a very important part of my life. I’m not obsessed with it tho

I’m back to school, trying to finish my course as soon as possible.  I lost 1 month of school so I’m kinda… in a rush!  (lol when am I not?)   I caught a cold again :(  I’m feeling better tho.   My mother seems to be fully recovered now, she still feels a bit pain sometimes when she walks. 

My weight loss?  slow and steady!  I won’t give up… I’m back and I’m going NOWHERE until I reach my goal and on the way help all of you to do the same :D   My fiancee… well I’ll talk about that in my next post…

Oh, before forget, if you’d like a better description of the Ramadan you can check this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramadan  (there’s a really nice concept behind the fasting thing )

Anyways, I must go now, I don’t have much time, I just wanted to let all of you know I’m still alive and kicking!  Thanks for the new friend adds and the nice booster notes, I’ll get back to you soon :) 

xoxoxo

Sameera

It’s been a very long time I haven’t been online, but let me tell you no day has passed without you being in my toughts, my buddies.  I have been wondering how all of you been doing.

 I’m on holiday… and I’ve re-discovered my biggest and oldest passion… languages! Yes!  I’m very fond of language learning… in specific self learning.  I’m trying to improve my english, arabic, spanish and currently trying to learn french.  Even I feel I need to improve my mother language… because I believe there’s always something new to learn and to improve!   I believe human mind is great.

I want to share with you all how I learnt english, this is how it happened:

  You might think my english isn’t so good… but you should have seen me 5 years ago!  I knew nothing… NO ENGLISH AT ALL!   I didn’t even know what ”have” or even ”what” meant, lol, was all so confussing. 

Until one day… without even thinking about it, I started entering yahoo chats… and just sit there and pay attention to what people said… I said no word… nothing just sit there and see what people were typing and sometimes listening to what they said on mic, I automatically memorized the phrases they used.  The words… all. That’s the moment when I started having pen pals…  I used all I learnt from yahoo chats, lol…  Only to pass time and have fun

Most of my penpals were americans, very nice… I even kept writing mails to a christian man from Arizona, very respecful man by the way… We wrote and wrote each other for very long. Maybe 6 months or more, he was a mall guard, was a widowed, was trying to win a case against a hospital because the death of his wife ”tiffany”. 

 Don’t know what happened at the end… we lost contact.  This happened when I stopped using net much and at the end my account got closed then got another one… and I just forgot his address, lol out of topic!  Whenever I think of this one friend I smile… he was very funny and his story really touched me.

Anyways… I’ve to thank many people for having helped me learning english… first.. the yahoo chat users… I really didn’t speak to them, but they helped me by typing all they typed Thanks to all the pen pals I had… they helped me to practice my grammar… Also thanks to all Hollywood stars, their movies helped me to learn to pronounce the words right… as well as showing me how the swear words in english sounded! 

I used no books, no dictionary… all was tru the net :)   It’s now when am starting to use books to check some grammar doubts and increase vocabulary. Also no english class available was for my school.  All happened with such a…fluidity… I think it’s the right word! all happened also so suddenly, too.  No pressure….. no plans, no goals… it was all so spontaneous!  Sometimes I think… If I could do this…. I can lose weight too!!!  Right?

After 6 months I learnt english and the basics of the grammar… the verb tenses, conjugation…, slang, irregular verbs, irregular plural nouns…. etc etc.  I still confuse the ”b” with the ”p” sometims, rarely… but at times I do.  I lost my fear to speak english after I meet my actual fiancee.

I made a lot improvement in 6 months… and the following year, but since then no progress whatsoever.  So… I feel guilty and now I want to improve my english and make some progress instead of feeling like I’m stuck.  Because the truth is many of my buddy slimers make me feel ”poor” in language, I know NO ONE  meant to, but whenever I read anyone’s  blog or I try to reply a message I feel my language skills are so poor in comparission to theirs :’(

One of my biggest and dearest goals is… learning as many languages as possible!  Yeah… it’s one of my dreams!  Call me crazy… but I love studying new languages, I think it’s the best way to get to know other cultures. Besides…it always comes in handy to know a few helful phrases in other languages ;)  This goal… has been with me since I learn english on my own.

These are the languages I plan to learn in the future, in order of relevance (to me)

1 - French (almost 0 )

2 - Norwegian (basic level already)

3 - Swedish (because I feel fascinated with the scandinavian countries)

4 - Egyptian arabic (very basic)

5 - Finnish ( 0!!!! lol, it’s too hard, unlike its scandinavian neighbors! )

6 - Italian (because it’s a romance language, just like spanish)

Anyways, I’m also typing to tell you all I might be away for some weeks.  I just wanted to wish you good luck to all you and please never give up!

Also… today was my appointment with the dietician, but… doc is on holiday, so I might wait next month to weight in and take my measurements.  I’ve cheated a bit… have had a bit more junk food than usual, but still I feel some good changes in my body. I just noted men notice me  MUCH more now and my waist looks more defined. My face looks thiner, too

Dear friends and public in general…. some days ago I saw a post a girl wrote about being completely honest when you blog, like saying everything you feel, let out some bad and negative feelings tru our blogs.  Well.. this is exactly what I’ve been doing… but I never thought of giving a warning about the possible content of my blogs.  So… here I go!

This is the first blog I’ve ever had, I had never felt so free to show myself as I am and to open myself to others in such a way as I’ve been doing here.

  This blog is for me more than just a ”weight loss” blog, because I know my over weight problems were caused by some childhood and teenage issues that remain stil unsolved, but hopely with the help of this and my therapy everything will be better, I’ve faith in God.

In the future I might post some really CRUDE  posts, this is very important for me, because as I type about my problems I feel a big relief… this is INDEED a big RELIEF for my soul & my heart. 

 My posts might not always be nice or so positive sometimes, because I’m a human and as a human… I don’t get angry so easily… but that doesn’t mean I don’t ever get angry, LOL.  I might also be sad… moody, nervious, anxious or angry, not very often, but this happens.  So… in that moments is when I’ll come here and blog… to get rid of all those feelings… but also I’ll be happy to share some of my happiest moments with my buddies, too.

The second part of my ”why i’m a compulssive eater” is coming, this post in specific might have some REALLY CRUDE content.  In advance I must say sorry to anyone who read it and find it ”offensive” in some way… and no… by ”crude”  and ”explicit” I don’t mean I’ll use a lot bad words or I’ll talk about explicit sexual things, not at all!  

 This whole trip to a healthier life isn’t only about my weight problem… is also about my emotional &  spiritual problems.  I don’t want to just look good outside… but also in the INSIDE, my soul, my spirit & my heart.  I want to get rid as much as humanly possible of some negative and toxic feelings I might still be keeping with me.  I need a lot of work! 

God knows I’m a very positive & cheerful person… but believe me it’s been a long trip to be where I am now and I believe this is just the begining… I expect more & more wonderful changes in my life, my body, my heart & my soul.  I still have some negative feelings with me tho, I believe with some extra work they’ll go.  Like the fact I haven’t fully forgiven some of the people who have hurted me badly physically and emotionally … but hopely after this I’ll have fully forgiven this people.

This blog is for ME, because it’s VERY important for me to stay honest to myself always.  My buddies are very welcome to comment  my posts, I’m actually very happy to share this with all of you.  I’m ALWAYS happy to read feedback from you all :) 

 By the way…  I’ve figured the way to make a post ”private” so only I can see it, I tried with one of my posts and it worked (can you guess which one ;-)? )  But honestly… I don’t feel the need to do this,  this is part of my healing… and this is why I joined buddy slim… to share & learn and if someone learns something from my experiences… that’s great and is a nice extra for me.   Hopely in some years I’ll read some of my blog entries and laugh, hehe.

I’ll also post about other things…. not only  my overweight, emotional,existencial and ethical problems (LOL, jk)  All I can tell you… is that you can expect me to be very honest… I’ll also tell almost EVERYTHING I’ve in my mind, so bear with me.  I’ll talk also about some personal things… like my life here, my family, my dreams, my hopes, the society where I live, the gulf societies… and the societies I’ve been in close contact with… some reviews might be positive and others not so much, but never OFFENSIVE. 

To my buddies:  Thanks for being so patient, for not judging me, my country or my religion. Thank you!   I respect you all very very much… for your amazing tolerance & patience despite all the not so nice things you watch on tv or read  about my people.  Thanks overall for respecting the fact i am muslim, it means so MUCH to me!  You’ve shown such a great respect to me overall :)  Also… thank you very much for being here for me when I’ve needed you the most.  I hope I can always be here for you when you need me, too. Thanks for your very caring and supportive words, too.  My respect for you all can only grow higher and higher each day!  

With love,

Samera

I talked to some friends on the phone, I recieved several calls from many of my best friends.   I guess my best friend told the others, lol… my habibi called me, too… he’s such an educated, cultured smart man… he made me feel very well, specially because he was the one I first gave these news.  That was when I cried…  I felt great after that.  Sometimes crying can make such a wonderful things for you, when things like this happen so suddenly.

I think I’m several steps forward from where I was… some years ago I was a very different person.  I’m now able to work with my emotions better… now I’ve truly learnt the meaning of ”life is too short”  ‘’seize the day” .   I used to feel sorry for myself, be very stressed, worried, feel anger,  etc.  Now am not… I try my best to achieve a good balance.

Why waste my time feeling depressed or sad?  life is so short!  I’m not going to fix anything by being worried or sad or depressed.  That’s feelings, like hate, rancor, sadness, worry, etc.  Are such a waste of energy and a death magnet. 

I feel sorry for those who keep hate or rancor in their hearts… the only one they damage are themselves.  That’s why I try to keep  all that kind of feelings out of my life, I’ve forgiven my parents for some of their mistakes during my childhood (which are mistakes, but costed me so much)

Also… many members of my family have said or done such a hurtful things (speacially oldest sister)   I decided to be as far away as possible from my oldest sister, a long time ago,  for my own good… there are people who aren’t good for our healths. 

Also… I could never have a civilized talk with her… all she did was missunderstand my words and yell like she’s a neurotic person (and… I believe she is ^^)

All these years I knew my parents didn’t want to be together, but my father remained with my mother because of me, mostly (he told her a few times)  He was a loving father, I have many sweet memories with him.  He used to spend time with me, too.  He gave me what he could, too. 

He also contributed to my weight problem (not so many thanks, dad!)  He was brave enough to stay until seeing me married (which am not yet, but hopely soon)  He told my moher again he’ll wait to see me married then he’ll leave with his brother, who’s in the oil business. Actually both my mom and dad were very brave, they stayed together so many years (22 years)  

 Many times I felt guilty… because I knew my father was here because of me and Azhaar.  Me & him still don’t talk… he’s still upset, but I know he loves me… in his very own way!  I was also feeling guilty the day I recieved the news… I thought maybe is because we don’t talk, because he’s still mad at me.

My best friend is pakistani, has a wonderful and very united famility, when I compare my friend’s parents with mine… there’s a big difference.  Their marriage was arranged, too… but seems the love grew up with the time and still seems like it’s still blooming! They’re 76 and 54 years old.  

 I know many families like this, many times I wondered what it would feel like to have parents who actually loved each other this much or at least a little?  I’m not anymore… what can’t be done… just can’t be done, I’m not wasting my time with this kind of thoughts… the ”what ifs” thoughts are deleted from my list. I’m moving toward more positive things. 

 Divorce is very uncommon in my country, many people we know will be talking about this, but if my parents don’t mind the ”what will the people think/say”… then me either!  I’m ready for anything!

By the way…I feel GREAT, to be honest. Yesterday I had the nicest sleep I’ve ever had in years! Only I can say is thanks mom… thanks dad! I’m back to normal… as cheerful & positive as always and willing to spread my joyfulness with anyone who might need it! (that includes bright up somebody’s day with a nice booster note or a helpful comment =P) I’m back and stronger that NEVER before!

As the title says… I feel devastated.   Since I was a little girl I knew my parents weren’t happy with each other, my mother many times told me she had never loved my father.  Now… this all happens of a sudden, I heard my parents discussing this noon… I saw my mother crying, she told me my father told her he’ll leave in some months.  I had never heard him to talk like that… so sure…  This is a consequence of arranged marriage, I think.

I knew this would happen sooner or later… since I was a child I heard them discussing, my father NEVER touched my mother, but he yelled at her.  He never yelled at me either or touched me, today my mother asked my if he ever yelled at me, almost in front him… I said no, she later told me ”why didn’t you say yes!?”  

 I’m tired of chosing a side… last time I tried to defend my mother, by talking wth him and everything I end up discussing with him and at the end my mother and I ended up discussing, now both of them were ignoring me for some weeks… so excuse me if I don’t want to take part in this! 

 Being quite realistic… if he doesn’t leave in the next few months… he’ll do it later, I’m sure. He clearly said he DOESN’T  plan to support my mother economicaly after he leaves.  His excuse is my mother has a lot more money than him… but still that’s not nice.   He’s behaving like a coward.  I feel so betrayed… so hurted so alone right now.  I think he’s also very upset because my relationship with my actual fiancee, he doesn’t approve him.  

I feel pitty for both of them actually, they’re only humans after all… I know I have no right to judge them, but when I think about it… I think they’d be better off alone.  We don’t need economical support from  him at all, but what disturbs me is the fact he said such a thing.  He knows am getting married… probabily next year. I think he’s been expecting this moment from a long time, the perfect chance to leave my mother.  If they separate… I hope they both find the happiness they could never find when they were together.

 These are my measurements and weight 1 month ago, I took them the day I went to see my nutrition specialist. She weighted me at her office, so the weight was quite exact, the measurement were taken at home… by me =P  I keep a food diary of every food I eat as well as a work out diary. Thanks to Mark for the idea!

 Oh and by the way,  I’m 1.75 cm (5′7 ft) tall in case you all were wondering =)

May 20, 2008:

Weight: 92 kg. (202/203 lbs)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Today was a really great day, I woke up a bit early to see my teacher and handle him my school works, he told me he’d be outside the city all the week long until friday next week! so he’ll give me a grade depending on how well I did my works… that means the next 2 weeks will be quite free! I’m a bit worried tho… I think I didn’t do my best with that school works…  mainly because I thought he’d apply a test and the school works were only worth 1 point!!!  I think I’ll not pass which means that the coming months will be very very busy for me!  Oh well… at least I’ll have this 2 weeks free, so I’ll try to enjoy them and stop thinking about that!

 Today I also went to see the nutrition specialist, we talked briefly, it’s funny how she still remember how much I weighted 3 years ago, when I used to go to her office once a month and strictly follow a diet… after these years and so many patients she still remembers me!  when I consulted her for the first time after that 3 years she told me… ”you were 75 kilos when you stopped coming here!”  

  Ok… enough of history… what it matters is  now!!  1 month ago when she weighted me I was 92 kilos (202/203 lbs) and now after 1 month I’m  87.8 kilos (193 / 192 lbs)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I just can’t believe it!  I haven’t worked out in 2 weeks, I have cheated a few times with the foods too!  and I mean badly… not like before of course.  The incessant food picking while am cooking counts too, right? lol 

All I do now is eat a lot vegetables, olive oil, yoghurt, fish and less meat.  Instead of candies or chocolates I eat fruits, like mangoes, pineapples, cantaloupe, grapes or water melons, they’re far more delicious than any candy I’ve ever tasted!  but I guess it’s very logic for a sweet, fresh & juicy watermelon slice to sound more appealing than a chocolate when the temperature outside is 50 C!!!!!!!!! 

 I take one day off my healthy eating plan, usually saturdays… I had this idea some years ago, it has given me really good results as you can see! =D

 I took my measurements 1 month ago and wrote them in my food diary am planning to do it every month after visiting my nutrition specialist.

 I’m keeping a food diary, this has helped me to feel I’m more in control and less helpless.  I’m drinking about 6 liters water everyday… because of the intense heat we have been experiencing here. The only who seemed to be enjoying this weather was a camel I saw the other day. It seemed so happy, lifting up his head like saying ”what a nice weather this is! I hope it never ends! I just love how the sun rays touch my skin, so strong!”   I sweat like crazy… even more than when I work out.  Even if I’m doing absolutely nothing!!

Enjoy your weekend everyone, I’ll surely enjoy mine! with the intense heat and everything! Oh by the way, don’t forget to check my ”progress” =P  if you have the time, thanks!

A lot things have been happening lately, but i’m finally back!  what i mean with this?  well… lol this year has been so crazy…! 2 weeks ago my pc just stopped working, everything was messed up, it was an old computer 5 years old. 

It needed a piece, but since the piece itself was worth way more than the pc itself I decided to get a new one!  yeeey!  so, I kept searching and searching until I found a very good deal!  I like this new pc, it’s a nice change and a big improvement, this one has a flat screen and the cpu doesn’t make any strange noises!!!!    I used my own money because I didn’t feel like asking my parents. 

The pc is extremely necessary for me, I use it mostly for researching for my school projects, works, etc.  I’m a bit late now thanks to this…  and no… I didn’t dare to go to a cyber caffee… that places here are mostly full of young men playing video games and watching DVDs so no thanks.  I’d be like very out of place.

I was so stressed because of this… thinking what if I don’ get a new pc soon, maybe i’ll have to go to a cyber caffee! and well… as it usually happens with me… I during these days ate a bit more than usual. Oh and I stopped exercising so often, hehe, but I’ll be back on track next week after my appointment!!!  I’m still trying to lose weight, my appointment with the nutrition specialist will be on 18th this month!!!!!  I hope I lost at least 1 kilo…so I can try harder and harder.

My holiday will be next month, so this month will be very busy… full of works & projects and many other boring stuff…  Sometimes I feel so sorry I made this choice, if I move to europe next year I’d like to study something else, do something I truly enjoy for a living, but it’s hard to decide what, I’m a very varied person, I like talking a lot, gardening, languages, photography, traveling, biology, natue & most importatly I LOVE cooking! So… lol I’m sure I’ll find something I like once am there.